My Own Little Faerie Tale
by Lena Ban Obsidian
Summary: Serge wonders why everybody was afraid of him when he was stuck in Lynx's body.


_'My Own Little Faerie Tale'_  
Lena

Notes: On FF.net someone was very upset by 'the clothes make the man' and its very slight shonen ai ending. But I say to that critic this: What if Serge just doesn't love anybody? Why does he hafta be straight _or_ gay? What if he is...'_bi-sexual_,' hmm? 

As to 'Kiddz' or...um...whoever you are. I will consider this posting of warnings about Yaoi, if every non-yaoi author in the world will also post warnings about non-yaoi. I don't want to read Serge and Kid making puppy eyes at each other without expecting it. That's icky. 

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Serge was only seventeen. It wasn't fair, in the cosmic scheme of things, that he had to be making the decisions he was making right now. Save the world, or pretend nothing's happening until you get killed in the backwash? Play the hero, or believe what you're told and play the villain? 

He had his body back, and that was good. He had his friends back, and that was better. But one thing that troubles teenagers throughout the world, that no child nor any adult can ever seem to understand, is that it is infinitely harder to regain one's confidence when it has been shaken than it is to do anything else at all. A child cannot be so shaken; and adult knows it is possible and has learned to adapt. Serge had no confidence any longer in himself, or the trust of his friends. 

Those that had befriended him during his time trapped in the body of Lynx were not alone in their shock at seeing him back in his true form. There was surprise written in the eyes of each friend who'd been turned foe. Not even Glenn had believed in him enough to help him when he'd most needed it. Not Leena, either. 

And sometime during the trip back across El Nido to re-discover old friends, he'd realized that he felt hollow, false, emotionless inside. Whatever it was that had made him Serge during those months when he hadn't looked what he was had abandoned him now that he'd become himself again. 

As they passed Divine Dragon falls, he called a halt for the night and left Sprigg and Pip to make a fire for dinner. Through the emerald grasses and clear water he searched, until finally he found a boulder overlooking the pool at the base of the mountains. By the time he'd picked his way over to it, dusk had fallen into darkness, and the sky was glittering with stars. 

He clambered up onto the boulder and looped his arms around his knees, looking down into the silvered water. 

His face looked back at him, but the eyes were haunted by a demon he couldn't name, and his throat was still tight with the need for tears, though for what he didn't know. He felt like he'd lost himself in the midst of his searching for a way to save the world. 

"Why does what I look like have to do with how I'm treated?" 

The words whispered in faint echoes across the water, and then all fell still. He sighed. Some part of him really had been hoping for a response. 

"Why do the staws look da same evwy night?" Answered Pip's voice, at the base of the boulder. Startled, he peered down, trying to find the little creature, but Pip was well-hidden. "Answew me. I'm cuwious." 

Lifting one shoulder in an attempt at non-chalance, he half-laughed, nervous. "Because they never change?" 

Pip seemed satisifed with this, and he scampered up to join Serge on the boulder, peering up into the sky with bright, intense little eyes. "Ah. So even though they aw baws of fiwe, they look pwetty fwom hewe." 

"What does that have to do with...anything?" He asked before he could catch himself. Pip glanced sideways at him, a sly look on the innocent seeming face. 

"Just because dey look pwetty does not mean dey aw nice. You'd nevew know untiw you met a staw, would you?" 

"If it was nice or not?" Serge tried to puzzle that one out. "No, I suppose you wouldn't. You'd only know what they look like from here." 

Pip nodded once. "Wight. What you see is onwy one levew of what's thewe." 

Sighing a little more angrily than he'd meant, he combed confused fingers through his hair. "Don't suppose you could explain that to everyone who wouldn't give me a second glance last week?" 

"It doesn't mattew what dey think," Pip answered simply. "If you onwy see dat dey hate you, den dey have evwy excuse to onwy have seen dat you wewe a monstew." 

Not knowing _what_ to say to that, Serge remained silent, and looked back up at the stars. The silence between them was not, as he'd feared it might be, awkward or tense. Pip continued to watch the sky, calm and unaccusing. The moon began to rise far off above the ridge that was Mount Pyre. 

"So I have to figure out what it was that kept them from trusting me while I was L...was in Lynx's body?" 

"Dey must have had their weasons," Pip sighed, scratching behind his ear. "Even da ones who saw you change. How could dey know it was you? How can dey know it's you now?" 

"Because I don't go around needlessly killing people, for one!" He growled, trying to keep his anger to a barely audible hiss and failing. 

Pip flicked an ear at him. "It's not wike da stowy books. You awen't a shining knight in awmow. And dey aren't youw swown fwiends, eithew, even though that would be easiew." The little creature laughed, suddenly, and shook his head. "Some of dem wove you fow saving dem. Dey don't know if you wove dem back, but dey wove you anyway. And dat makes dem vulnewable. How could dey know if you wewe Lynx, ow Lynx was you? It could have been a twick to see if any of dem could be used against you." 

He hadn't thought of that. "They were...?" 

A shrug answered his half-formed question. "Dey might have been twying to hewp you, yes. Ow dey might have been twying to pwotect themsewves and deiw famiwies fwom hawm. You don't know. So why should you judge dem?" 

Depression sank down over his shoulders again. "They judged me." He sighed, not looking Pip in the eyes. "It's not that I ought to do the same thing to them, but...how do I know they won't turn against me again? I need their help. I can't deny that. What if they don't want to help me?" 

To that, Pip had no answers. They stared out over the water in companionable silence and the moon rose higher in the sky. Faintly, he could smell the smoke of the fire that Sprigg had prepared, and of dinner being cooked over it. Finally, their stomachs rumbled, and they both slid down the boulder to go eat. Pip went on ahead without any further words of wisdom and left him to wander slowly back to camp. 

"I'm only seventeen," he whispered to the stars, who twinkled back, as pretty as ever, and didn't answer him. "So why do I have to know already that my wishes won't ever come true?" If the stars had any advice, they weren't sharing it with him. 

He returned to camp and ate his dinner in silence. 

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